The expression “family first” is often thrown around but what does this mean if you have a completely dysfunctional family? Do we put family first at the expense of our own needs?

It depends.

This is tricky because we usually love our family despite their flaws, however, if they have toxic behavior that can hurt or damage others, then putting them first may not be appropriate. 

Our relationships and the people in our lives deliver our greatest learning opportunities and lessons. We don’t get to choose the family we are born with (unless you think we set that all up before we are born as many do believe) but we do get to choose how we will relate with them now.

There have been times in my life when I have had to choose to NOT prioritize one of my parents for example. It was necessary and healthy for me to take that stand at that time. Later I’ve been able and willing to change my stance because I’m coming from a more healed, grounded and solid place.

I choose to be responsible for my 93-year-old Mother’s care now that she truly needs help, but even then, it’s with boundaries and a separate living arrangement.

I think sometimes we may need to choose extended family and friends to fill the roles of who comes first in our life. We can easily be distracted, feel guilty, or even confused about this option.

Think about the people who care about you and are there for you when it matters. 

If that happens to be family members then great.

People come first; at least compared to things, health or personal ambition, but again, it depends.

It depends on your priorities, values, and whom you choose to put first.

Love and compassion can always show up regardless of what actions you decide upon. People can make requests and you can accept or refuse them.

It always comes down to a choice as to which people are first for you.

The holidays tend to bring some of this stuff up, so it might be a good time to look more closely at who your firsts are and plan accordingly.